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Truck Driver 3/7/2003
A truck driver walked into a house in Vegas , he put
$1000.00 down and told the madam he wanted a meanest, nastyest
fatest , in the place, the madan said mister for a thousand
you can have the best looking woman in the house, he said
mam you dont understand im not horny im homesick!!
1 Comments, 97 Views,
87 Votes
,7.26 Score
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the ed zachery disease 3/5/2003
A lady approached a doctor one day and asked if he could help
her. When asked the problem, she explained that she had
tried everything possible but couldn't get laid.
He then explained to her that he couldn't help her but
there was an oriental doctor he knew, Dr. Shotokan, that
could. She goes to him and tells him the same and asked what
the problem was and why she could't get laid. He ...
0 Comments, 10 Views,
24 Votes
,5.97 Score
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Little Johnny being bad again ..... 3/4/2003
Little Johnny came home from school and told his Dad he had
been kicked out of math class.....
<br>
"What for?"
<br>
"The teacher asked me what was 2x3 and I said 6."
<br>
"You were right!"
<br>
"I know, but then she asked me what was 3x2."
<br>
"What's the fucking difference?!?!???"
<br>
"Well Dad, that's what I asked her just ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
65 Votes
,7.89 Score
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The Fly 3/4/2003
Deep, ,, Deep in the mountains near a mountain stream a
Bear stands and watches the fish swim buy. The bear notices
a fly buzzing a foot above the water and sees an eager trout
eyes the fly. He thinks to himself, you know if that fly would
just drop about 5 inches that fish would jump out of the water
and eat the fly. When the fish jumps I could snatch him up
and eat him.
An eager coyote ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
23 Votes
,6.16 Score
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taxidermist 2/24/2003
There was a taxidermist who was the only survivor of a plane
crash in the midddle of the Australian outback. He wandered
for days, with no food or water to sustain him. Finally,
by chance, he came upon a pub in the middle of nowhere. He
runs in and orders a tall glass of milk. The guys all look
at him and one growls, "Milk...what kind of drink is that
for a man. Just what in the hell ...
1 Comments, 58 Views,
10 Votes
,4.78 Score
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the man 2/20/2003
As a man gets off work one day. He gets on the elevator at the
36th floor. On his way down the elevator stops and this beautiful
blonde gets on the elevator with him. As they both go down
to the 1st floor an earthquake shakes the buliding and the
cable on the elevator breaks. Here they are falling to their
deaths. The women turns to the man and asks him to make her
feel like a women for the ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
17 Votes
,4.68 Score
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Barroom Football 2/17/2003
A big, mean redneck was sitting in the local bar when a small,
effeminate guy walks in and sits down next to him. "Look
here, fella, I don't drink with no faggots! Get the hell
out of here, " he yells. The small guy replies very calmly, "I
have every right to be here. Let's play barroom football,
and the loser has to leave, OK?" "What's barroom football?"
asks the redneck. "It's ...
0 Comments, 25 Views,
44 Votes
,4.20 Score
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High wires and old women 2/4/2003
On one side of the world there is a man walking on a tightrope
over a 4, 000 ft. deep gorge. At the same time on the other
side of the world, a man is getting a blowjob from an 85 year
old woman with no teeth.
What is going through both of their minds at the same time?
<br>
DON'T LOOK DOWN !!!!!
1 Comments, 77 Views,
43 Votes
,5.96 Score
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An Ostrich and a Cat 2/4/2003
A guy, an ostrich and a cat go into a bar. The guy says to the
barman 'I'll have a pint of Guiness please' The ostrich
says 'I'll have the same please' and the cat says 'I'll have
a whisky, but I'm not paying'. So they get their drinks and
the man pulls out the exact money to pay for them.
The next week, the same trio go into the bar. The man says
'I'll have a brandy', the ostrich says ...
1 Comments, 58 Views,
58 Votes
,6.58 Score
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Steering Wheel 1/26/2003
Irish guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel down the
front of his pants.
The bartender says "Hey, why do you have a steering wheel
down the front of your pant?"
The man replies "Ei, is drivin' me nuts."
0 Comments, 7 Views,
94 Votes
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The Accountant 1/21/2003
A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
one Friday evening that reads:
<br>
Dear Wife,
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter, I will
be at the Red Roof Inn with my beautiful and sexy 18
year old secretary.
<br>
When he arrives at the hotel there was a letter waiting
for him that read as follows:
<br>
Dear Husband,
I too am 54 ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
152 Votes
,8.34 Score
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Old Boat! 1/16/2003
Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner
of a dilapidated
old boat. It so happened that John's wife died the same day
that Joe's boat
sank.
<br>
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe a mistook him
for John.
She said, 'I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just
feel terrible.'
<br>
Joe thinking that she was talking about his boat, ...
1 Comments, 59 Views,
140 Votes
,8.05 Score
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12 inch piano player 1/9/2003
A man wearing a backpack walked into a bar. He sat down and
asked the bartender "If I play the most beautiful music
you've ever heard, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender
said "Sure, but it better be the best I've ever heard." So
the man pulls out of his backpack a 12 inch little man who
gets up and plays the most beautiful song the bartender
has ever heard. "That was great! ...
0 Comments, 13 Views,
71 Votes
,7.16 Score
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It's my arthritis, sonny......... 1/6/2003
A guy was cruising the bars trying to get laid in order to
win a $500 bet with a golfing buddy. He absolutely had to
get laid, but was striking out left and right. Just before
closing time he spotted this very very old woman at the bar
who was looking around the room expectantly.
<br>
He introduced himself and told her the whole deal, and promised
her he would do absolutely ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
64 Votes
,4.18 Score
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Elevator 1/5/2003
A Blond and a Brunette are standing in an elevator when a
man wearing a suit walks in. This man has absolutely the
worst dandruff in the history of the world. It's all over
his shoulders and everything. A few floors later he gets
off. The Brunette turns to the Blond and says "Somebody
should REALLY give that man some Head & Shoulders." The
Blond turns to the Brunette and says "How do ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
50 Votes
,4.43 Score
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ping pong balls 1/1/2003
There were three men bidding for the hand of a princess.
The king said well i will test you all, go out and find me all
the ping pong balls you can and the man with the most will
get the hand of my . so after a while the first man
comes back and he has 33 ping pong balls. Good said the king
33 will be hard to beat. the second man arives and he has 102
ping pong balls oh my lord said the ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
27 Votes
,2.71 Score
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eggs 12/20/2002
A couple was celebrateing their 60th wedding aniversity
and they are having dinner and talking about their life
with each other over the years when the husband asked, I
have always wondered what you keep in the hope chest that
you got at our wedding I have never seen whats in it.The wife
says no problem I'll show you. So they go into the bedroom
and she unlocks the chest and opens it up. ...
5 Comments, 136 Views,
127 Votes
,7.22 Score
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moral 12/15/2002
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able
to get to the top of that tree, " sighed the turkey. "But
I just haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble
on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed
with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and
found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach
the first branch of the tree. The next ...
0 Comments, 6 Views,
100 Votes
,6.43 Score
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Another Limerick 11/30/2002
On Saturn the sexes are three
Which is quite awkward you'll agree
To perform Con Brio
It requires a Trio
and it even takes two for a pee
2 Comments, 27 Views,
43 Votes
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alien sex study 11/27/2002
There is a couple that's spending a relaxing summer night
at their cabin in the middle of nowhere when a spaceship
lands in their front yard. Out from the spaceship come an
alien couple. They introduce themselves and say they are
exploring the cosmos and would like to know more about humans.
The earthlings invite them inside where they all swap stories
about each others homeworlds. Well ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
136 Votes
,6.58 Score
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BEDROOM GOLF 11/21/2002
The Rules Of Bedroom Golf
<br>
1. Each player should furnish his own equipment for play
- normally one club
and two balls.
<br>
2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the
hole.
<br>
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the
hole and keep
the balls out.
<br>
4. For most effective play, the club should ...
0 Comments, 6 Views,
162 Votes
,7.88 Score
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Male Rules (Lady's Take Note) We always hear 11/21/2002
<br>
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's
up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't
hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
<br>
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
<br>
1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing
of the tides. Let it be.
<br>
1. Don't cut your ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
221 Votes
,8.45 Score
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Scottish Footie 2006 11/21/2002
Fast forward to 2006 - it is just before Scotland v Brazil
at the next World Cup Group game. Ronaldo goes into the Brazilian
changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" he asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this
game. We know
it's important but it's only Scotland. They're sh*te and
we can't be bothered".
Ronaldo looks at them and says ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
27 Votes
,1.87 Score
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Muffin joke 11/19/2002
Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin turns, and
says to the other "man it's hot in this oven". The other muffin
turns as says "HOLY SHIT ITS A TALKING MUFFIN!"
0 Comments, 8 Views,
80 Votes
,0.03 Score
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women and cows 11/12/2002
Why did god give women one more brain cell than a cow?---So
they dont shit on the floor when you play with their tits
0 Comments, 3 Views,
139 Votes
,4.21 Score
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Bar Joke 11/11/2002
A man walked into a bar and sat at the counter down a ways from
a lady. When the bartender came over to him he said he wanted
to buy that douche-bag over there a drink. The bartender
said excuse me, but we treat women like ladies in here. The
guy said OK, but I still want to buy that douche-bag over
there a drink. The bartender figured the only way to shut
this guy up was to get a drink ...
0 Comments, 3 Views,
85 Votes
,1.48 Score
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POKER VIBRATOR PHONE 11/8/2002
A GUY PICKED UP HOME SOME CHICKS FOR THREESOME.WHILST THEY
WEREIN SESSION HIS MOBILE PHONE STARTED RINGING AND INTERRUPTING
HIS FUN GAME SO HE SET TO VIBRATOR LEVEL5.AFTER HE FINISHED
WITH THESE GIRLS ONE OF JUST PICKED
HAND SET WRAPPED A CONDOM SHEE ROUND IT AND INSERTED IT INTO
HER CUNT.THE GUY MADE A FRANTIC EFFORT TO TRACE THE CULPRIT
AND THEY ALL READILY ALLOWED HIM TO SEARCH THEM ...
2 Comments, 42 Views,
91 Votes
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firm it up 11/7/2002
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his
wife and pinched her on the butt and said, "You know if you
firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." While this
was on the edge of intolerable, she controlled her anger
and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the
breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could
get rid of ...
0 Comments, 11 Views,
144 Votes
,8.06 Score
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rednecks new pickup truck 11/3/2002
billy bob ask earl "how did you get a new truck"
earl" sue ellen gave it to me"
billy bob " why did sue ellen give you aher truck"
well she drove me out to the woods striped off all her clothes
and told me to take what i wanted so i took the truck"
billy bob " good thing you diddnt take the clothes they would
have never fir you"
0 Comments, 18 Views,
49 Votes
,4.05 Score
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WIFE'S NEW JOB 10/31/2002
Harry came home with the bad news from his doctor, "Either
you stop work immediately or you will be dead" the doctor
told him. Harry and his wife were like most people they had
bills and hadn't saved much money. His wife Amy was very
pretty but not smart at all. After numerous attemps at finding
and keeping a job both of them realized that there was only
one job she was really good at, and ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
246 Votes
,0.10 Score
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