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Nymphomaniac Convention 6/20/2007
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled
in, he glanced up and saw a most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He
soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have
it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business
trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm ...
3 Comments, 109 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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Bedroom Golf 6/20/2007
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play
- normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the
hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course ...
8 Comments, 165 Views,
16 Votes
,5.77 Score
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The Cow 6/19/2007
A trucker takes a stool at the bar. "Bartender, gimme
a Jack!", then slams it down. "Give me another!",
he shouts. He slams that one down, and says, "I'm
so thirsty, I could lick the sweat off a cow's balls!"
A gay guy in the corner stands up and says, "Moo Moo,
big fella!"
2 Comments, 126 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Wanna play house 6/19/2007
"Sweetheart you really must talk with jayne if only
because she'll pay attention to you "said the
wife and mother of jayne, "i caught her playing house
with little johnny next door" "So? replied
the husband, "didn't you play house when you
were her age? "Yeah, of course-but didn't demand
50 dollars in play money!"
0 Comments, 52 Views,
0 Votes
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if it make it grow 6/19/2007
Two young housewives, both advid gardeners, were discussing
botantical theories. "Do you really believe, "asked
one of the housewives, "That talking affectionately
to a plant can make it grow bigger?" "i certainly
do, replied the other housewife, "in my experience,
anything organic can be increased in size by affectionate
handling"
1 Comments, 66 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Ouch, that really hurts! 6/19/2007
A wife phoned her husband who was busy playing porker at
a buddys house and reminded her husband how late it was and
demanded he come home at once. "But Martha, "
explained the man, "i can't quit now. Why, i've
got a stack of quarters as long as my pecker." "William,
"The wife replied, "You mean all you got left
is two lousy bucks!"
0 Comments, 71 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Fart Football 6/19/2007
A little old couple prepares to go to bed They no sooner hit
the pillows when the old man farts and says, "Seven
points" His wife rolls over and says "What was
that"? The old man replied, "its fart football"
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown,
tie score....? After about five minutes the old man lets
another one go and says, "Aha. i'm ahead 14 ...
1 Comments, 40 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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WOMEN'S REVENGE 6/19/2007
"Cash, check or charge? "i asked after folding
items the woman wished to purchase As she fumbled for her
wallet i noticed a remote control for a television set in
her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?
i asked "No, "She replied, "But my husband
refused to come shopping with me, ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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Marriage Seminar 6/19/2007
While attending a marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listenend to the instructor "it
is essential that husbands and wives know each other's
like's and dislike's He addressed the man, "Can
you name your wife's favorite flower? Tom leaned over,
touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "its"
Pillsbury, ...
0 Comments, 27 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Blonde 6/19/2007
When the surgeon came to see Bambi on the day after her operation,
she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would
be before she could resume her sex life. "Uh, I hadn't really thought about it"
replied the stunned surgeon. "You are the first one
ever to ask that after a tonsillectomy."
0 Comments, 55 Views,
0 Votes
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The not so bright farmer 6/18/2007
the farmer purchase a group of 20 pigs, he wants to try his
hand at pig farming two weeks later fes looking at his pigs
in a field. Woundering why they have not mated he calls the
vet the vet says first you must mate the pigs then they will
leave the field and play in the mud. Excited the farmer races
home, loads the pigs into his pick-up and heads for the woods.
in the woods he mates with each ...
1 Comments, 93 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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more jokes from the net 6/18/2007
Subject: Rooster A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand
new stud rooster to copulate with his chickens the farmer
puts the rooster straight in the pen so he can get down to
business The young rooster wlks over to the old rooster
and says "OK, old fellow, time to retire." The
old rooster says, "you can't handle all these ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Similarity 6/18/2007
What is the major similarity between a womans breasts and
a model train set? give up? there're both intended
for young , but grown men play with them more!
0 Comments, 37 Views,
1 Votes
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Runny Nose 6/18/2007
What do you call a with
a runny nose? Full!...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
1 Votes
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Sign Language 6/18/2007
A construction worker on the 5th floor building needs a
handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor
and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker
on the 5th floor tries sign language He points to his eye
meaning "i", point to his knee meaning 'need',
then moves ...
0 Comments, 43 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Gay Bar 6/18/2007
Two cocks walking down the street, they pass a gay bar, one
cock says to the other cock, i'm going inside to get
shit faced
0 Comments, 56 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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HERE'S ONE FOR YA 6/18/2007
WHAT DO YOU CALL A DYKE DRIVING A TRUCK FULL OD dilldos a DICK
VAN DYKE...
1 Comments, 64 Views,
4 Votes
,0.14 Score
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Slot machine 6/18/2007
A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside
a local srore. after putting in sixty cents, a root beer
pops out of the machine. she set it on the ground, puts sixty
more cents into the machine, and pushes another button,
suddenly, a coke comes out of the machine! She continued
to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became ...
0 Comments, 50 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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The truth can hurt 6/18/2007
One saturday afternoon a man's wife came home from
a lingerie shop with a pair of frilly, lace imported panties
that cost $75.00 she explained it by saying "after
all dear, you wouldn't expect to find top-quality
perfume in a cheap bottle. "No snapped the husband
"and i wouldn't expect to find gift wrapping
around a deed beaver either!
1 Comments, 89 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Names 6/17/2007
A small indian boy was talking to his father one day Father,
why is sister's name running deer? Well, "the
father replied "When your sister was first born,
i walked out of a teepee, & and the first thing i saw was
a deer. it ran away from me. so i named your sister after "it
Well, father, why is brothers name little bear? ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
4 Votes
,0.92 Score
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What do you get... 6/17/2007
What do go get when you cross a rooster and a telephone pole?
A 30 foot cock that want's to reach out and touch someone
0 Comments, 16 Views,
1 Votes
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The lunch 6/17/2007
An irisman, a mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction
work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building they
were eating lunch and the irisman said, "Corned beef
and cabbage! if i get corned beef and cabbage one more time
for lunch, i'm going to jump off this building"
the mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos
again! if i get burritos one more time i'm going to jump
off ...
1 Comments, 89 Views,
7 Votes
,1.77 Score
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sucsess 6/17/2007
What should you do if at first you don't succeed?Keep
sucking untill you do suck-seed!
0 Comments, 75 Views,
4 Votes
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RED RIDING HOOD 6/17/2007
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when
suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and,
holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, i'm
going to screw your brains out. "To that, Little Red
Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket, pulled
out .44 magnum, pointed it at him, and said "No you're
not! you're going to eat me, just like it says in the
book
5 Comments, 116 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score
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PINOCCHIO 6/17/2007
PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain
about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio therefore,
went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested
he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped
away enlightened. a couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw
Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him,
"How's the girlfriend? Pinocchio ...
0 Comments, 50 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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MICKEY MOUSE 6/17/2007
Mickey Mouse and Minni Mouse were in divorce court and the
judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife
is crazy. "Mickey replied, "i didn't say
she was crazy, i said she's fucking goofy"
0 Comments, 60 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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BUMPER STICKER 6/17/2007
MY BODY IS NOT A TEMPLE ITS AN AMUSEMENT PARK!
0 Comments, 29 Views,
0 Votes
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Business Signs 6/17/2007
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: 'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.' **************************
In a Podiatrist's office: 'Time wounds all heels.' **************************
On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon : Yesterday's Meals on Wheels **************************
On another Septic Tank Truck: 'We're #1 in the #2 business' **************************
At a ...
0 Comments, 44 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Athletics 6/17/2007
Q Who's the world's greatest athlete? A the guy
who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest
0 Comments, 30 Views,
1 Votes
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Q's & A's 6/17/2007
Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES
FOR? A: It's Braille for "suck here".
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS? A: It's the same as a French kiss, but "down under."
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS? A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN? A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. ...
0 Comments, 49 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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