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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN-A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE 9/2/2007
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the
root, and still be afraid of a spider.
2 Comments, 82 Views,
8 Votes
,0.70 Score
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WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST 9/2/2007
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend
is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton
1 Comments, 102 Views,
9 Votes
,1.29 Score
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MAKING A BABY 9/2/2007
The Smiths were unable to conceive and decided
to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed
his wife good-bye and said, 'Well, I'm off now.
The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to
make a sale. Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've ...
1 Comments, 126 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
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Scottish Joke 9/2/2007
A Scotsman moves to the US and attends his first baseball
game. The first batter approaches the batters' box,
takes a few swings and then hits a double.
Everyone is on their feet screaming 'Run!!!'
The next batter hits a single. The Scotsman listens as the crowd again cheers 'RUN!!
RUN!!' The Scotsman is enjoying the game and begins screaming
with the fans. The fifth batter comes ...
3 Comments, 107 Views,
10 Votes
,2.99 Score
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Polish Divorce 9/2/2007
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along
very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could
arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
L: Have you any grounds? ...
1 Comments, 94 Views,
4 Votes
,0.53 Score
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Who's got the biggest balls of them all? 9/2/2007
The game of choice for unemployed people or maintenance
level workers is basketball.
The game of choice for frontline workers is football.
The game of choice for middle management is tennis.
The game of choice for CEOs and executives is golf.
Conclusion: The higher up on the corporate ladder you are,
the smaller your balls are.
1 Comments, 53 Views,
5 Votes
,0.86 Score
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Car accident 9/1/2007
My friend was in a car sccident on the way to work the other
day. The guy he hit got out of his car, and he was a dwarf. He
very angrily came over to my friend, and said I am not happy.
My friend replied, then wich one are you?
2 Comments, 128 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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a load of a different shot 9/1/2007
Taking a Tinkle
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street
when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times
in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided
to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two
healthy daughters and a healthy .
All was fine for 16 years, and then one walked into ...
4 Comments, 133 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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The difference between guts and balls. 9/1/2007
Guts And Balls
We've all heard about people having guts or balls.
But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each
is listed below...
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,
being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: "Are
you still cleaning, or are ...
4 Comments, 114 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
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The Funeral 9/1/2007
A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning
coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching
the nearby cemetery.
A big black hearse was followed by a second big black hearse
about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary
woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back,
were about 200 women walking ...
4 Comments, 147 Views,
7 Votes
,6.10 Score
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Eve's side of the story! 9/1/2007
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit
Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' inquired
God. 'It is all so beautiful, God, ' she replied.
'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells,
the sights, everything is wonderful, I have just one problem.
It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one
pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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The 11th Husband 9/1/2007
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously
divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told
her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still
a virgin".
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How
can that be if you've been married ten times.?"
"Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he
kept telling me how great it was going to be.
"Husband # 2 was in ...
3 Comments, 118 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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the name game. 8/31/2007
We get Bill out of William We get Peggy out of Margaret Get get Bob out of Robert How do we get Dick out of Richard?
Pour a pail of cold water over them.
1 Comments, 58 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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Wrong Test Results 8/31/2007
MEDICARE COVERAGE IN A NUTSHELL
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Ward, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing
Laboratory.When your doctor sent your husband's
biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward
arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your ...
3 Comments, 127 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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FATHER 8/31/2007
>A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading
a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. >The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
>The man who was a priest said, I am a Father. >The little boy replied. My Daddy doesn't wear
his collar like that. >The priest looked up from his book and answered. I am
the Father of many. >The boy said, My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls ...
2 Comments, 86 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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man talking big 8/30/2007
Three guys are hanging out in a bar. two of them are talking
about how they control their wives, but the third guy is
quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third
and says, " well, what about you? What sort of control
do you have over you wife?" THe third guy says, "
just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees"
The first ...
1 Comments, 119 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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Lifesavers 8/29/2007
A college professor was doing a study testing the senses
of first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers. He gave all
the the same kind of lifesavers, one at a time,
and asked them to identify them by color and flavor. The
were easily able to identify:
"Red............cherry, "
"Yellow.........lemon, "
"Green.........lime, "
"Orange..........orange."
...
1 Comments, 96 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
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Why, Why, Why 8/29/2007
Why, Why, Why
Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds"
when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they ...
2 Comments, 53 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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A lesson learned 8/28/2007
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office
and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome
she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing
her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to ...
4 Comments, 163 Views,
9 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Consequinces 8/28/2007
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom
decides to let the bride know where she stands right from
the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her.
He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always
wear the pants in the family!"
The ...
3 Comments, 96 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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Ha! Very crude and hilarious sex jokes 8/28/2007
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and
holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open
the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a
sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!"
he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside
are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of
those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him
"BUT, they are ...
3 Comments, 117 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Crude Jokes 8/28/2007
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? A. Goes-in-tight!
Q. How do you know when you are getting old? A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only
you do it yourself.
Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're
married.
Q. Why do women ...
2 Comments, 85 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Book of manners 8/27/2007
REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS > 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. > 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting
at them. > 3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler
to church. > 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change
the sheets. > 5. Even if you're certain that you are included
in the will, it is > still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to ...
1 Comments, 49 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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It's Starting to Rain! 8/27/2007
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying
to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger. First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Second Blonde: Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and
the top is down!...
1 Comments, 112 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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The Ride 8/27/2007
A blonde decides to try horseback
riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the unassisted
and the immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde
begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the 's
mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms ...
1 Comments, 100 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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Fix the Dents 8/27/2007
A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a
really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to
have some fun. He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really
hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees
and ...
1 Comments, 87 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Milk Bath 8/27/2007
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful.
So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked
on her door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I
found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you ...
1 Comments, 84 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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A little toilet hummor lol 8/27/2007
Crabs and critters beneith this lid A friendly word to tee i bid With just a secon a mighty blast Will great u with a noxous gas
1 Comments, 50 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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cut it off 8/26/2007
a beautiful woman walked up to me and said, give me 9 inches
and make it hurt. i looked at her and said, you are really
hot, but i aint cutting 6 inches off for nobody.
3 Comments, 90 Views,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score
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The Kitchen Bitch 8/25/2007
>The Kitchen Bitch > >A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her
>5-year-old playing with his new electric train
in the >living room. She heard the train stop and her saying,
>"All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the
hell >off now... cause this is the last stop! And all of you
sons >of bitches who are getting on, get your asses on the
>train...cause we're going down the ...
1 Comments, 103 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
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