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The longest dicks ! 9/7/2007
Two men were standing on a bridge over a creek about 25ft.
above the water and they decided to measure their dicks
since there had been an argument between the two.
The first man pulls out his dick and flops it over the rail
of the bridge and the head of his dick is barely touching
the water. He says, " Dam that creek water is cold
on the head of my dick. Beat that!"
The other ...
19 Comments, 299 Views,
45 Votes
,3.23 Score
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how to deal with officious cops 9/7/2007
A guy gets pulled by a traffic cop for speeding doing 53 in
a 50 zone. a little annoyed but accepting that technically
he is at fault he apologies to the officer and politely tries
his best to talk his way out of a ticket and into a verbal warning
but the cop isn't having any of it. eventually the guy
realizes this cop isn't gonna be dissuaded from issuing
the ticket especially as he is now ...
1 Comments, 126 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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The Knob 9/7/2007
A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a
new procedure called "The Knob, " where a small
knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and can
be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of
a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The
Knob."
Over the course of the years, the woman periodically tightened
the knob and the effects were wonderful. She ...
3 Comments, 104 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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PHONE CALL FROM HELL 9/7/2007
A man gets a phone call from the doctors "its about
ur wife"
"What about my wife"
"Well shes be in for test and we have mixed up the results
and we dont know whether she has altzeihmers or aids"
"What should i do?"
"Well if she finds her own way home, dont fuck her"
4 Comments, 197 Views,
9 Votes
,5.56 Score
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HYPNOTIST 9/6/2007
A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember
those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're
gone." "No more headaches?" the husband
asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist.
He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and
repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have
a headache.' It ...
6 Comments, 160 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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Grandma's Letter! 9/6/2007
She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.
She writes:
Dear Grand-:
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store
and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had
just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed
by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker
and put it ...
3 Comments, 141 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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Chinese Virgins!!! 9/6/2007
A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin.
Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know
that. On their wedding night, she cowers shyly under the
sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring."My
darring, " he whispers, "I know dis your firss time and you berry flighten.
I plomise you, I give you ...
2 Comments, 131 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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cuddle 9/6/2007
What the deal with sex these days? Nobody wants to cuddle.
The whores just get out of the car and leave.
2 Comments, 62 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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sporting-good store 9/6/2007
A lady goes into a sporting-goods store & saysto the
salesman, "i need a present for my 's birthday"
The salesman say, "how about this skateboard?"
She says, How much?'He say's "thirty- nineninety-five"
She says "too much" He says "how about
this baseball bat?" she says "how much."
He says "Eight ninety-five." she says "All
right, i take it."he says , "You wanna ball for
the bat?" She says, No ...
3 Comments, 68 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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sporting-good store 9/6/2007
A lady goes into a sporting-goods store & saysto the
salesman, "i need a present for my 's birthday"
The salesman say, "how about this skateboard?"
She says, How much?'He say's "thirty- nineninety-five"
She says "too much" He says "how about
this baseball bat?" she says "how much."
He says "Eight ninety-five." she says "All
right, i take it."he says , "You wanna ball for
the bat?" She says, No ...
1 Comments, 31 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Birthday present. From the heart. 9/6/2007
A guy want to buy a present for his girlfriend. They just
start going out recently. After careful consideration,
he bought her a pair of gloves. And write her a romantic personal
message.
He went to the department store with the girlfriend's
sister. He bought a pair of white gloves while the sister
bought two panties for herself.
But the staff at the store made a mistake and ...
3 Comments, 78 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
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Very good dentist 9/6/2007
A man and a woman met at the bar. They seem to hit it off pretty
well. An hour after they met, they decided to go to the woman's
condo. After a few more drinks, the man took off his shirt and washed
his hands. He then took off his socks and washed his hands
again. "You must be a dentist", the woman said. "How can you tell?" "Easy, you always wash your hands".
One thing lead to ...
3 Comments, 145 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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American, Canadian, and Scottish 9/5/2007
After a plane crash, three men, an American, a Sottish,
and a Canadian, stood in front of gateway to afterlife facing
the grim reaper. The grim reaper said, "I do not have
space here to take you at this time. How about we make a deal?
If you pay me $200 now I will send you back to the land of the
living." The American said, "Done!". He paid the grim
reaper $200 and "poof" He rematerialized ...
3 Comments, 152 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Living Will 9/5/2007
Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living Room
and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative
state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.
If that ever happens, honey, just pull the plug!"
She got up and unplugged the TV and threw out my beer.
She's such a Bitch...
3 Comments, 138 Views,
12 Votes
,5.63 Score
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Condom Buddies 9/5/2007
What did one condom say to the other
when they went by the gay bar?
"Do you wanna get shit faced?"...
1 Comments, 51 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Rodeo Sex 9/5/2007
Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favourite
sex positions. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo
position the best." "I don't think I have
ever heard of that one", says the other cowboy, "what
is it?"
"Well, it's where you get your girlfriend down
on all fours, and you mount her from behind, and you reach
around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands, and
then ...
2 Comments, 102 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
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Why is liquor better than wife? 9/3/2007
1. Liquor never go shopping. You don't have to give
it money.
2. You can have international liquor without the problem
of language barrier. May it be American beer, French wine,
Japanese Sake. But international wife, you have to work
at it for years.
3. You can always cool liquor in the fridge. But cooling
down your wife requires lots of flowers, perfumes, tons
of gifts. ...
2 Comments, 103 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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The new CEO 9/3/2007
A corporation is in trouble because of its performance.
The new CEO in charge faces with the task of get the corporation
back on its feet. First policy he implements is to increase
productivity and efficiency of the corporation. Anyone
who doesn't put 100% effort will be let go immediately.
After the meeting with department managers, he walked
with them to inspect the office. He saw ...
2 Comments, 74 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Strong medicine 9/3/2007
A woman saw her doctor and discussed about her husband didn't
make love to her as often any more. The doctor gave her some
sexual stimulant. He cautioned her, "Now this drug
is still experimental, just mix it with the meal when he
isn't looking and see what happened."
A week later, the same woman came back to see the doctor again.
"The drug really works. When I slipped it in my ...
2 Comments, 159 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Sex and nose picking 9/3/2007
One day a father and were talking.
: Dad, how does it feel to make love? Father: It feels like picking your nose. : So how come when making love, women moan like they are
happier than the men? Father: When you pick your nose, does your finger or your
nose feel better? : If the women feel better, why don't they like being
? Father: It's not the same. If you were walking along
the ...
2 Comments, 113 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
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roses 9/2/2007
A man comes home with a dozen red roses for his wife. She snapped at him, saying "I suppose you want me on
my back with my legs spread all week" The man answered, " why, don't we have a vase?"
1 Comments, 118 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
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Blonde joke 9/2/2007
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come
over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out
how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when
it's finished?" The blonde says, "According
to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him ...
1 Comments, 149 Views,
10 Votes
,2.59 Score
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The World's Shortest Fairy Tale 9/2/2007
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry
me?" The girl said "No!" And the guy lived happliy ever after, and went fishing,
hunting, and played golf a lot, and drank beer, and farted
whenever he wanted.
1 Comments, 93 Views,
11 Votes
,1.48 Score
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Amish Sex 9/2/2007
An Amish woman and her were riding in an old buggy
one cold blustery day. The said to her mother, "My hands are freezing
cold." The mother replied, "Put them between your legs.
Your body heat will warm them up." The did, and her hands warmed up. The next day the was riding with her boy friend
who said, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth ...
1 Comments, 178 Views,
13 Votes
,4.32 Score
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CREATION 9/2/2007
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how
you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God
made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
1 Comments, 88 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN-A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE 9/2/2007
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the
root, and still be afraid of a spider.
2 Comments, 82 Views,
8 Votes
,0.70 Score
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WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST 9/2/2007
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend
is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton
1 Comments, 102 Views,
9 Votes
,1.29 Score
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MAKING A BABY 9/2/2007
The Smiths were unable to conceive and decided
to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed
his wife good-bye and said, 'Well, I'm off now.
The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to
make a sale. Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've ...
1 Comments, 126 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
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Scottish Joke 9/2/2007
A Scotsman moves to the US and attends his first baseball
game. The first batter approaches the batters' box,
takes a few swings and then hits a double.
Everyone is on their feet screaming 'Run!!!'
The next batter hits a single. The Scotsman listens as the crowd again cheers 'RUN!!
RUN!!' The Scotsman is enjoying the game and begins screaming
with the fans. The fifth batter comes ...
3 Comments, 107 Views,
10 Votes
,2.99 Score
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Polish Divorce 9/2/2007
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along
very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could
arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
L: Have you any grounds? ...
1 Comments, 94 Views,
4 Votes
,0.53 Score
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