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mid week humor 7/11/2018
Any takers, I not to funny today. lets have some good ones
0 Comments, 0 Views,
0 Votes
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The Day Off 7/10/2018
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. <br><br>
“Boss, ” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning
at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic
and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.” <br><br>
“We’re short-handed, Smith, ” the boss replies.
“I can’t give you the day off.” <br><br>
“Thanks, boss, ...
0 Comments, 33 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Baseball Game 7/10/2018
One day, the devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
<br><br>
Smiling, the Lord proclaimed, “You don’t have a chance.
I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle and all the greatest players
up here.” <br><br>
“True, ” snickered the devil. “But I have all the
umpires.”
0 Comments, 18 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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monday funday 7/10/2018
Who has the joke to get us started on this wonderful Monday?
Lets hear them people!!!
0 Comments, 0 Views,
0 Votes
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Spelling 7/8/2018
Two Italian men get on a bus. <br><br>
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The
lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her
attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say
the following: <br><br>
<br><br>
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together ...
1 Comments, 36 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Test 7/6/2018
This is a test
0 Comments, 4 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Lil Johnny first grade 7/4/2018
The first grade teacher walks into class. She sees Johnny sitting there and holding his kitty cat.
She says Johnny why do you have your kitty cat at school?
<br><br>
He says " I heard my daddy tell my momma he was gonna
eat that pussy when I goes to school"
0 Comments, 38 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
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If only 7/3/2018
A Male Fairy Tale <br><br> Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, <br><br>
"Will you marry me?" <br><br>
The Princess immediately said, "No!" <br><br>
And the Prince lived happily ever after, <br><br>
and <br><br> rode motorcycles <br><br> and <br><br> dated thin, ...
0 Comments, 28 Views,
6 Votes
,1.66 Score
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Text message 7/3/2018
An elderly couple learned to send text messages on their
mobile phones. <br><br>
The wife, a retired college English instructor with emphasis
on the Classics, was an unapologetic romantic; her husband,
a retired salty Navy chief petty officer of thirty ’
service, was a no-nonsense guy <br><br>
One afternoon the wife went to the local Starbuck’s to
meet a friend for ...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Tuesday humor 7/3/2018
waldo wore stripes so he wouldn't be spotted!!! <br><br>
<br><br>
ok thats all I got so far
0 Comments, 2 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Spiderman joke 7/3/2018
Made this up myself: <br><br>
What do you get when you cross Spider-man with Aunt may?
The Amazing A(u)nt-man.
0 Comments, 1 Views,
0 Votes
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Little Johnny 7/2/2018
Little Johnny strolls into school on Tuesday. <br><br>
The teacher stops him in the hall. <br><br>
“Johnny, why weren’t you in school yesterday?”
<br><br>
“Sorry, Miss, but my dad got burned” <br><br>
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope it wasn’t badly?”
<br><br>
“Well, they don’t fuck around at the crematorium, ...
0 Comments, 21 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
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Golf lessons 7/2/2018
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide
to take private lessons. <br><br>
The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his
swing, he says, “No no, no, you’re gripping the club
way too hard!” <br><br>
“Well, what should I do?” asks the man. <br><br>
“Hold the club gently, ” ...
0 Comments, 39 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Monday joke day 7/2/2018
whats the diff between beer nuts and deer nuts?? <br><br>
<br><br>
beer nuts are $1.99 and deer nuts are under a buck!! <br><br>
<br><br>
top the one...hahaha
0 Comments, 3 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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wonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- c 6/26/2018
wonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful
idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful
idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful
idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful
idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful
idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful
idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful
idea -- ...
0 Comments, 12 Views,
5 Votes
,0.86 Score
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at work 6/24/2018
I'm sure my coworker is having an affair with my wife...
<br><br>
He's been very miserable lately.
0 Comments, 16 Views,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score
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A man walked into a bar with his arm in a cast 6/24/2018
"What happened to you?" asked the bartender.
"I got in a fight with Kelly." "Kelly? He's only a small guy - he must have had
something in his hand." "He did - a shovel." "Didn't you have anything in your hand?"
"I did - Mrs. Kelly's tit. And a beautiful thing
it was too, but not much use in a fight !"
0 Comments, 24 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
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Blonde 6/24/2018
A blond is in a car crash and she says, "I think I have
a concussion." The paramedic asks, "How many
fingers do I have up?" The blond shrieks, "Oh
my God! I am paralyzed from the waist down, too!"
0 Comments, 22 Views,
10 Votes
,3.39 Score
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KFC 6/24/2018
What does a box of chicken and a woman have in common? Once you are done with the breasts and the things all you
have left is a greasy Box to the bone in..
0 Comments, 8 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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So a Walks into a Bar 6/22/2018
A walks into a bar Th Bartender looks up and says Hey
Buddy Why the Long Face...
1 Comments, 25 Views,
7 Votes
,1.77 Score
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So a Walks into a Bar 6/22/2018
A walks into a bar, The Bartender looks up and says
Hey Buddy Why the Long Face...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
5 Votes
,1.51 Score
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What is the difference between a slut... 6/22/2018
and a bitch? The slut will have sex with you. <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
Disclaimer: Never called a woman either likely never will.
Just a joke.
1 Comments, 35 Views,
13 Votes
,3.14 Score
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What did peter say 6/20/2018
What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus
<br><br>
<br><br>
It only takes one nail to hang a picture
0 Comments, 14 Views,
11 Votes
,1.11 Score
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Late Night Visitors 6/17/2018
A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the
front door. He opens it to find two sheriff's deputies
standing there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the
deputies asks if he is married. The man replies, "Yes,
I am." The deputy then asks if he could see a picture
of the man's wife. <br><br>
The guy says, "Sure, I guess, " and gets a photo ...
0 Comments, 105 Views,
23 Votes
,3.01 Score
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Aunt Mildred 6/17/2018
Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly
despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided
that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking
that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took
out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself
in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
16 Votes
,3.57 Score
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The Divorce 6/16/2018
CURTAIN RODS On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes,
crates and suitcases. <br><br>
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her
things. <br><br>
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining-room table, by candlelight; she put on some soft
background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar
of caviar, ...
0 Comments, 57 Views,
14 Votes
,3.46 Score
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Coma 6/16/2018
One day a woman mysteriously falls into a deep coma, leaving
the doctors puzzled and her husband desperate. They try
every conventional treatment in the book to no avail. One
day the husband is in the hospital and in his frustration
he yet again approaches the doctor and says “Are you sure
that we’ve tried everything? Isn’t there some less
conventional or experimental treatments that ...
0 Comments, 66 Views,
12 Votes
,3.51 Score
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Oops 6/13/2018
An elderly couple was sitting in church when the man whispers
to his wife, "hey I just let a silent fart, what should I do?" His wife replies"turn your hearing
aid up."
1 Comments, 13 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Two Guys in a Chicago Bar 6/11/2018
Two guys are in a bar in a Chicago high-rise. One guy looks
at the other and says "You know, they call Chicago
the Windy City because if you jump out of one of these office
high-rise balconies, the wind will actually push you back
in". <br><br>
The second guy says: "What? Get outta hear with that!"
<br><br>
The first guy says: "No, it's ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
14 Votes
,2.50 Score
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funny 6/11/2018
Who has the best Monday joke? lets hear them!!!
1 Comments, 16 Views,
11 Votes
,1.48 Score
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