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trump!! 8/21/2016
Me: There are 3 Mexican roosters on one side of the street
how many legs do they have? Trump: 6 Me: how many wings? Trump: 6 Me: how many eyes? Trump: 6 Me: Ok, There are 3 white cats on the other side of the street
how many eyes do they have? Trump: 6 Me: How many ears do they have? Trump: 6 Me: How many whiskers do they have? Trump: I don't fucking know. Me: Seems like you know more ...
4 Comments, 104 Views,
19 Votes
,4.84 Score
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Know the Right Word 8/20/2016
A man goes to the doctor's and says, “I would I like
to get castrated". The doctor tries to convince him
but the man won't listen. All he keeps on saying is,
"I want to get castrated! I want to get castrated!
I want to get castrated!”
The doctor says, "Your life will be changed after
this operation. Do you still want to go ahead?"
“Yes!"
After a few hours the man ...
2 Comments, 105 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
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Headache 8/18/2016
So this guy comes out of the bathroom, full monty with obvious
signs of wanting to have some kinky-time. His wife looks
at her and says:
"Nooo, Honey... I have a headache."
"No worries, darling. I just put some Aspirin on the
tip of it, so now you can decide if you want to take it as a pill,
or a suppository..."
1 Comments, 50 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Hunter 8/17/2016
This hunter goes to the wild to shoot a bear. Finds a track,
follows it to a cave. Hides behind a rock to see if there is
movement in there. When he sees, he raises his gun and shoots
into the dark.
The bear runs out in fury and grabs the hunter and tells:
"You made me really angry, hunter. You have to make
it up to me that you wanted to kill me, so kneel down and blow
my dick." ...
1 Comments, 97 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
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On The Campaign Trail "Political Humor" 8/15/2016
Trump and Hillary Go Into A Bakery on the Campaign Trail.
As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries
and puts them in her pocket. She says to Trump, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't
see anything and I don't even need to lie. I will definitely
win the election."
Trump says to Hillary, "That's the typical dishonesty
you have displayed throughout your entire ...
2 Comments, 113 Views,
14 Votes
,5.22 Score
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Night school 8/15/2016
Two policemen are walking the streets on duty in DC. They
pass the Lincoln Memorial.
"Do you know, which president Lincoln was?"
"I have no idea."
"Well... If you went to the Night School, you would
know that he was the 16th president."
They walk a bit more and pass the White house.
"Do you know how many rooms are there in the White House?"
...
3 Comments, 107 Views,
10 Votes
,4.18 Score
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Farmer 8/15/2016
This old man goes to the doctor for help:
"Doc, we are happily married couple for 59 years now.
I love my wife, and now that we'll have 60th anniversary,
I want to... You know... One last time do her really good,
but... Well... The Captain is not as fit as he used to be."
"Don't you worry a second. Take this pill, and
at the beginning of the dinner, take it. I can guarantee, ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
13 Votes
,4.65 Score
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Broadcast 8/15/2016
This girl wants to send a message to her grandma over the
radio. Goes to the station's studio to talk to the DJ.
He listens to the request and tells her:
"You know... There's a price for this."
"Of course. Anything you want."
"Well, then..." starts the DJ while taking
off his pants "... Go down to your knees and get started."
Surely she kneels in front of him, ...
1 Comments, 80 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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idk 8/12/2016
?
1 Comments, 20 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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How do you make your wife scream twice? 8/11/2016
Fuck her in the ass, then pull it out and wipe iy on the curtains!
2 Comments, 30 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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just something funny 8/11/2016
My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, I shaved my
pussy you know what that means ? I said, yeah the drain is
clogged again. No lovin for me that night lol.
1 Comments, 17 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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The Contest 8/10/2016
DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard
of 'MateMatch'?" Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have." DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a
trip to Orlando , Florida if you win. What is your name? First
name only please." Contestant: "Brian." DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?" Brian: "Yes." DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're
what?" Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, ...
1 Comments, 83 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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What are friends for? 8/10/2016
One evening, Mike went over to his friend's house to
play cards with Terry and some other friends. Mike sat directly
across from Terry's wife Susan.
When Mike dropped a playing card on the floor and bent down
to pick it up, he looked across underneath the table and
saw that Terry's wife had her legs wide open with no
panties on. Mike then sat up and tried hiding the fact that
he was ...
2 Comments, 110 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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Superman is Horny 8/9/2016
One fine day, Superman went to visit his good friend Wonder
Woman.
As he approached her front door, he heard some moaning sounds
coming from an open window.
Curious, he went to the window and peered inside.
The sight he saw was shocking.
Wonder Woman was naked on her bed. Her legs were spread wide
open, her arms were at her side, her eyes were closed, and
she ...
1 Comments, 65 Views,
9 Votes
,4.92 Score
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Martian Trip 8/6/2016
The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating
enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple
and are talking about all sorts of things.
Mike asks if Mars has a stock-market, if they have laptop
computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen
brings up the subject of sex. “Just how do you guys do it?”
asks Maureen.
“Pretty much the way ...
1 Comments, 69 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
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Tattoo 8/6/2016
Eric gets home late one night and Sarah, his wife, asks “Where
the hell have you been?” Eric replies “I was out getting
a tattoo!”
“A tattoo”? She frowned. “What kind of tattoo did
you get?”
“I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates” he said
proudly.
“What the hell were you thinking”? She said, shaking
her head in disgust. “Why on earth would ...
1 Comments, 80 Views,
7 Votes
,5.59 Score
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Where Are You Going? 8/6/2016
An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was
falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to
talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were
courting."
Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second and
tried to go back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then,
you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck ...
3 Comments, 106 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score
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gotcha!!! 8/5/2016
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
A: The Rooster...
1 Comments, 30 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Non Veg adult 8/4/2016
Funny Non veg adults jokes, some double meaning, some dirty.
1 Comments, 37 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Non Veg adult 8/4/2016
Funny Non veg adults jokes, some double meaning, some dirty.
2 Comments, 31 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Pumpernickel Bread 8/2/2016
Two men are walking on the boardwalk. One says to the other,
“I’ve got to run. Have to hurry home to make love with
my wife.”
The other man looks astounded. “Make love to your wife?
You are as old as I am! Nearly ninety-five years old! What
do you mean you have to go home and make love to your wife?"
The first man says, “We have a great sex life. We make love
three ...
2 Comments, 89 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
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Condom Size 8/1/2016
One day at the pharmacy a man walked in with a troubled look
on his face. The pharmacist noticed and asked if he could
help him. The man replys, "I'm looking for some
condoms." The pharmacist asked, "Do you know
what size you are?" The man said, "Well...not
exactly." The pharmacist pulls out from behind his
counter a board with aligned holes on it, going from big
to small. He tells the man to go ...
1 Comments, 86 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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Area 51 8/1/2016
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security,
super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area
51?" Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks
out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing
at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded
the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation
room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas,
got lost, and ...
1 Comments, 73 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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Condom Packs 8/1/2016
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old . They
happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What
are these, Dad?" The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called
condoms, . Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see, " replied the boys pensively. "Yes,
I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of three
and asks, "Why ...
1 Comments, 67 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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More Golf Humor 7/31/2016
What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Wash your balls.
Why are golf and sex so similar? They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though
you are really bad at them.
A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed
with his golf clubs. Seeing the astonished look on her face,
he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?"
...
2 Comments, 47 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Eating Pussy 7/31/2016
A guy goes into a whorehouse and he goes upstairs and starts
eating out this chicks pussy. Not long after he started
he feels something between his teeth and he spits out a small
piece of lettuce! He thought to himself how strange that
is...so he went back to eating her pussy. Not long after
that he felt something else between his teeth and he spits
out a small piece of a tomato! He thought to ...
2 Comments, 77 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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bastards and bitches 7/31/2016
“A little boy and his friends are being called bastards
and bitches by bullies at school. The boy goes home and asks,
"Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his
dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are
gentlemen." Then the boy goes upstairs to see his
mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume
bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom,
what is shit?" and she says, ...
2 Comments, 75 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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survey says!!! 7/30/2016
The United States funded a study to determine why the head
on a mans' penis is larger than the shaft. The study
took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded
that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than
the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during
sex. After the results were published, France decided
to conduct their own study on the same subject. They ...
3 Comments, 67 Views,
12 Votes
,4.74 Score
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wise! 7/30/2016
A father is asked by his friend, "Has your decided
what he wants to be when he grows up?" "Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector, "
replied the boy's father. His friend thought for a moment and responded, "That's
a rather strange ambition to have for a career." "Well, " said the boy's father, "He
thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"
2 Comments, 54 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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What do I look like 7/29/2016
This woman could never get her husband to do anything around
the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the
tv, eat dinner, and sit some more. He would never do those
little household repairs that most husbands take care
of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit. One day the toilet
stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly,
"Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look ...
2 Comments, 61 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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