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Can Cold Water Clean Dishes? 6/29/2017
John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very
secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan. After spending a great evening chatting the night away,
the next morning John’s grandfather prepared breakfast
of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate,
and questioned his grandfather asking, “Are these plates
clean?” His grandfather replied, ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
10 Votes
,2.99 Score
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Hail Damage 6/23/2017
A Blonde got caught in a severe thunderstorm. Soon it began
hailing heavily. Her car had dents all over it so she took
it to a body shop.
The owner met her at the door and she explained what happened.
He looked out and saw the damage and decided to have some
fun with her. “Let me tell you a little secret that will
save you a lot of money. Blow in the tailpipe and the dents
will ...
3 Comments, 160 Views,
27 Votes
,5.03 Score
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The actor & the agent 6/22/2017
An aspiring European actor visits an American agent for
representation. The agent tests him & tells him he has potential.
"What's your name?" " Penis Von Lesbian the actor replies. Agent "You will have to change that if you are to have
a chance at stardom" Actor "Oh No!! I can't do that . My name is an ancient
& honoured name in my country." Agent " I cannot be your agent then. ...
3 Comments, 148 Views,
18 Votes
,5.17 Score
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That's crazy 6/12/2017
There are these two lunatics in an insane asylum and they
decide to leave so they slip out one night at lights out,
climb up to the roof and they see the lights of the city off
in the distance glittering like diamonds, like all that
joy and freedom is just waiting for them. They're up
about four stories but across a narrow gap they can get to
another roof. One of them makes the run and jumps and ...
3 Comments, 144 Views,
11 Votes
,3.73 Score
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A Dwarf 6/2/2017
Listen to this, I was coming home from work tired as heck, it
was like 99 degrees sweat in my eyes, and knocked the shit out
of the car stopped in front of me. To tired to move I just sat there. In a minute the door opened
on the other car..And I couldn't believe it, a little
dwarf midget got out, had both hands on his hips..he walked right up to
my window.. And said I'm not HAPPY... I snickered ...
1 Comments, 122 Views,
16 Votes
,4.60 Score
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whale 6/1/2017
what did one whale say to another whale.....
go home frank ur drunk
2 Comments, 41 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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ceiling fan 5/30/2017
what noise does a ceilng fan make.....
whoooo go ceiling ur number 1 yeah go ceiling....
2 Comments, 25 Views,
7 Votes
,1.00 Score
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...irony of a blowjob... 5/30/2017
...even if you have her on her knees in front of you...she
still "has" you on your balls....
2 Comments, 41 Views,
9 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Life in a retirement village! 5/25/2017
On her first day at the senior complex, the new manager addressed
all the seniors pointing out some of her rules: "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds
for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody
caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
She continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule
the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a ...
1 Comments, 168 Views,
19 Votes
,5.10 Score
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The Accident 5/23/2017
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've
regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember,
but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're
going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything,
however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't
find it"
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You ...
6 Comments, 178 Views,
17 Votes
,4.68 Score
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The Social Worker 5/20/2017
A social worker from a big city recently transferred to
an area of hills and valleys in the Appalachians and was
on her first tour of her new territory when she came upon
the tiniest cabin she ever had seen.
Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door. “Anybody
home?” she asked.
“Yep, ” came a ’s voice through the door.
“If your father there?” asked the ...
2 Comments, 133 Views,
16 Votes
,4.01 Score
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Egyptian Camels 5/20/2017
Two ladies visiting Egypt see a local castrating a camel
by banging two bricks together on the camels balls.
They are worried about this and ask the camel driver "
Does it hurt?"
He replied " Only if I get my thumbs caught between
the bricks"
1 Comments, 47 Views,
12 Votes
,3.86 Score
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A cowboy and his . 5/18/2017
A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of angry Indians.
They were all prepared to kill him but their Chief declared
that since they were celebrating the Great Spirit, they
would grant the cowboy three wishes before he killing him.
The cowboy can do nothing, but obey them.
The Chief comes up to him and asks: - What do you want for your first wish? - I want talk to my , - replies the ...
4 Comments, 152 Views,
14 Votes
,6.18 Score
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3'somes 5/14/2017
a friend of mine turned up and said "hey if it takes
3 people having sex to be a 3some and 2 people having sex to
be a twosome now I understand why everyone says you're
Handsome"
1 Comments, 39 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Birthday Barbie 5/14/2017
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly
remembers that it's his 's birthday.
He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How
much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'
The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?
We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina ...
2 Comments, 120 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
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2 Black Eyes 5/12/2017
A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His
boss asked what happened. The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church.
When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was
caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around
and punched me square in the eye." "Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss
asked.
"Well, " the man said, "I figured she ...
1 Comments, 90 Views,
14 Votes
,5.54 Score
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Best joke 5/6/2017
Simple or clever? Are jokes like sex, which is better - simple
hard animalistic fucking or connecting with the mind?
3 Comments, 39 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
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Fly Swatter 5/3/2017
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking
around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Hunting flies, ” he responded.
“Oh! Killing any?” she asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 females, ” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell them apart?”
He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on ...
8 Comments, 125 Views,
22 Votes
,6.13 Score
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Blondes 5/3/2017
What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her forehead?
All you can eat for under a buck
Was do you call a blond that dies her hair brown?
Artificial Intelligence
What do you call 5 blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel
3 Comments, 44 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Wife Singing 5/3/2017
A married woman starts singing, and sees her husband go
out the back door onto the deck... She goes to the back door, and ask him why do you go out on
the deck everytime I start singing??? Because I don't want
the neighbors to think I am beating you!!! lol...
3 Comments, 53 Views,
13 Votes
,5.66 Score
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Nymphomaniacs Convention 5/1/2017
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled
in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding
the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards
his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside
his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out,
" Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. " I'm
going to the ...
1 Comments, 168 Views,
12 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Tiny House 4/30/2017
A social worker from a big city recently transferred to
an area of hills and valleys in the Appalachians and was
on her first tour of her new territory when she came upon
the tiniest cabin she ever had seen.
Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door. “Anybody
home?” she asked.
“Yep, ” came a ’s voice through the door.
“If your father there?” asked the ...
3 Comments, 92 Views,
14 Votes
,5.22 Score
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Hunting Guide Lost 4/29/2017
A local hunting guide got himself into a big problem. His
party became hopelessly lost in the mountains and they
blamed him for leading them astray.
“You told us you were the best guide in Colorado!” they
asserted.
“I am!” he said, “but I think we’re in Wyoming now.”
!!!
2 Comments, 57 Views,
13 Votes
,6.00 Score
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Cash Cow 4/20/2017
A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit a calf that was crossing
the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained
what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
"Oh, about $200 today, " said the Cowboy. "But
in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what
I'm out." The motorist sat down and wrote out
a check and handed it to the Cowboy. "Here, "
he ...
1 Comments, 118 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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For Nascar Fans 4/20/2017
A man walks into a bar with his dog. A Sprint Cup race is on
a TV. He sits down and asks how Dale Earnhardt Jr is doing.
The bartender says "Earnhardts is in 25th".
The jumps up, and runs around the barstool 25 times.
A couple of laps later, the bartender says "Earnhardt
Jr is up to 10th". The jumps up again and runs around
the barstool 10 times. A few laps later, the bartender says
"Earnhardt Jr ...
2 Comments, 125 Views,
11 Votes
,5.04 Score
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Miracle by genie from the bottle 4/18/2017
A couple that are both 60 years old were celebrating their
40th anniversary on the beautiful beaches of San Diego
when they spotted a bottle washed up on the shore. They opened
it, and a genie came out!
The genie offered to grant each of them a wish for releasing
him.
He asked the woman what she desired, and she said she would
love to be able to travel with her husband on a trip ...
3 Comments, 112 Views,
10 Votes
,4.38 Score
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Damn Fine Explanation 4/15/2017
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom
making love to a very attractive young woman and she was
upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried.
'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother
of your ! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce
right away!'
The husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute, love,
so at least I can tell you what happened.'
...
4 Comments, 189 Views,
19 Votes
,6.55 Score
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Doggy Style ??? 4/15/2017
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their
wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?"
asked the one.
"Well, not exactly." his friend replied, "she's
more into the trick aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well, not exactly - I sit up and beg and she rolls over
and plays dead."
1 Comments, 73 Views,
12 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Man Filing for Retirement 4/15/2017
A retired gentleman went to the social security office
to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's
license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized
he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was
very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.
"I will have to go home and come back later."
The woman says, ...
1 Comments, 113 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
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Prostate Exam 4/15/2017
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment
of a prostate Exam 2 years ago, I decided to have my next exam with a new doctor. Where they claim to be more gentle and accommodating.
As I lay naked on my side on the table, the Doctor began the
examination.
I heard him say.. "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure
it's quite normal to get an erection, ...
1 Comments, 83 Views,
10 Votes
,5.97 Score
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