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$5 - the HARD way..... 2/1/2013
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the
yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back
into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that
worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies,
"I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's
too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with
a can of hair ...
1 Comments, 147 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Show me your TITS! 2/1/2013
While waiting for her husband to return from the store,
the doorbell rings.
Sara opens it to a friend of her husband. "Hi, is Tony
home?"
Sara replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can
wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says
"You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have
ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks ...
0 Comments, 137 Views,
3 Votes
,0.98 Score
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Oh HELL no! 2/1/2013
Clinton dies, and of course goes straight to hell. When
he gets there the Devil greets him and offers him three ways
to spend eternity.
They go to the first door and the Devil shows him Newt Gingrich,
hanging from the ceiling with fire under him. Bill says
"Oh no! That's not how I want to spend all eternity......."
They go to the second door. The Devil shows him Rush Limbaugh ...
1 Comments, 114 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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Bad dog! 2/1/2013
A man went to pick up his date but to his dismay he couldn't
stop farting. While he was was waiting for his date to get
ready, he sat on the lounge, and the family hopped onto
the couch with him. He figured that the parents would think
it was the dog, so he started to relieve some gas pressure.
Every time he farted the young girl's parents told
the to get off the couch, so the man kept going, ...
0 Comments, 119 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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Then I remembered McDonald’s 2/1/2013
Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the
middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and
farting, so I knew I made it home OK!
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was
my own fault… I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night,
or "foreplay" as the lady likes to call it.
After ...
1 Comments, 161 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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Definitely! 1/31/2013
A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her
class the definition of the word "definitely"
to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding
of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.
The first student raised his hand and said "The sky
is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well,
that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's
gray and cloudy". ...
0 Comments, 90 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Farah Fawcett at the Pearly Gates 1/31/2013
After Farah Fawcett died, she was met by St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates.
"Ah, weren't you one of Charlies Angels?"
he says with a twinkle in his eyes.
"Why, yes, I was". Farah replied.
"Well then, we don't get too many high calibre
celebrities up HERE, so before you enter the Pearly Gates,
I am authorized to grant you one wish!"
Farah ponders this for some ...
3 Comments, 135 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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"I'll be 97 next month" 1/31/2013
My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled
by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge
and ended up in his front lawn.
He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and
sat her down on a lawn chair. He said with excitement, "you appear quite elderly
to be driving."
"Well, yes, I am, " she replied proudly. "I'll
be 97 next month, and I am ...
0 Comments, 93 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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THE TOILET SEAT 1/31/2013
My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to paint
the seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it
while Julie was out. After finishing, I left to take Care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting
in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand
up, she realized that the not-quite -dry epoxy paint had
glued ...
0 Comments, 119 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Two College Students 1/30/2013
Two college students are riding on the subway when a beggar
approaches them asking for spare change. The first student
ignores the man. The second student opens his wallet, pulls
out a few dollars, and hands them to the beggar with a smile.
"What did you do that for?" the first student
shouted. "Don't you know he's going to use
that to buy booze?" "And we weren't?"
0 Comments, 111 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Ten Bucks 1/30/2013
Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year.
Every year Fred would say, "Edna, Id like to ride in
that there airplane." And every year Edna would say,
"I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars,
and ten dollars is ten dollars." One year Fred and
Edna went to the fair and Fred said, "Edna, I'm
71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year
I may never get another ...
0 Comments, 88 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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A cold day on the farm..... 1/30/2013
It was cold and pouring with rain but the boy’s mother
insisted he go and feed the animals on the farm before he
could have breakfast. The boy went out in a dark rage, kicked
the chickens, punched the cow and threw water all over the
pigs. When he got back inside his mother was furious. “How
dare you!” she fumed.
“For that you get no eggs because you kicked the chickens, ...
0 Comments, 151 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Do you measure up??? 1/30/2013
What's the difference between medium and rare? 6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.
 ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
0 Votes
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A guy walks into a bar 1/30/2013
with a frog on his head.
The bartender, taken aback, says:
"What the hell is that you have on you"?
At which the frog replies:
"Hell if I know - it started out as a pimple on my ass"!
...
0 Comments, 78 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Multiple choice! 1/30/2013
What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
or
2: There is no difference. They both have three holes to
poke.
...
0 Comments, 65 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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What does a blonde have in common with a computer? 1/30/2013
You don't know how much either of them mean to you until
they go down on you.
...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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IMPOSSIBILITIES 1/30/2013
IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
1)You can't count your hair.
2)You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3)You can't breathe when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.
1 Comments, 88 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Saying goodbye to mother 1/30/2013
We were dressed, and ready to go out for the New Years Eve
Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering
machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in
the backyard.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The
taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.
As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard,
scoots back ...
0 Comments, 116 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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NAG NAG NAG 1/30/2013
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying
to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency
to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and
depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started
on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home
is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm
not reheating it'. And on and ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
0 Votes
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Smile - One more time 1/30/2013
1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by )
-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like,
if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports,
and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10
-No person really decides before they grow up who they're
going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck ...
0 Comments, 69 Views,
0 Votes
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The midget went to the doctor 1/29/2013
The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all
the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about
his problem.
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.
The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto
the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor
put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget
to turn ...
0 Comments, 116 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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loser 1/27/2013
A loser is having a hard time picking up chicks, so his well
traveled friend takes him to a nightclub in Daytona where
he tells him that he will score for sure. The loser enters
the bar, sees his prey, and begins to barrage her with pick
up lines that he acquired from his friend. The young lady
continues to ignore him but finally gives in. She says "
OK, I抣l spend the night with you, but I抳e ...
0 Comments, 110 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
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blind guy 1/27/2013
A blind carpenter walks into a lumber mill and shouts out,
"I am a blind carpenter and I need a job."
The foreman walks over to the blind carpenter and says,
"If you're blind, how can you work in a lumber
yard?"
The blind carpenter says, "I can tell any piece of
lumber by it's smell."
The foreman says "O.K. I'll give you a test and
if you pass the test, you've got a ...
0 Comments, 115 Views,
1 Votes
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first time 1/27/2013
So one time I was just thinking of stories to tell and I thought
of one. I asked my friends "do you guys remember the first
time". "Oh hell yeah they all say" so I抦
telling them about mine. So I say well the first time I had sex was in the grass in a vacant
plainy area. It was a perfect day and we were just going at it for hours
and then suddenly her mom comes up to us out of no where. so i抦 ...
0 Comments, 81 Views,
0 Votes
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Lesbian Frogs.... 1/25/2013
There were two lesbian frogs going at it in a "69"
position and after they were finished getting each other
off, one gets up and turns to her partner and says "girl
they were right, we really do taste like chicken"
0 Comments, 135 Views,
9 Votes
,1.93 Score
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Driving Stories 1/25/2013
Florida
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible
out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it
to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had
left. "Amazing, " he thought as he flew down I-95,
pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper,
blue lights flashing and siren ...
0 Comments, 124 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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F***ing 1/25/2013
1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, every day
is even better.
2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind &
body.
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After F***ing don't eat too much; go for more liquids.
5. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level.
SO, REMEMBER ...
...
0 Comments, 89 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Wife is having a baby 1/25/2013
A Redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby
Upon arriving he sits down, and the nurse says,
"Congratulations, your wife has had quints, ."
5 big baby boys
The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised, I have
a penis on me like a chimney."
The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting
it cleaned, they're all black."
0 Comments, 129 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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Ahh-men! 1/24/2013
What does a toilet, a clitoris, and an anniversary all have
in common?
They are all something most men miss.
...
0 Comments, 54 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Keepin it real.... 1/24/2013
A nude woman looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband,
“I look horrible, fat and ugly. Can you please pay me a
compliment?”
The husband replies, “Well, your eyesight’s excellent.”
...
0 Comments, 62 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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