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If you buy stuff online 2/12/2013
If you buy stuff online, check out the seller carefully.
Be careful what you purchase on eBay.
A friend has just spent $100 on a penis enlarger.
The Bastards sent him a magnifying glass.
The only instructions said, "Do not use in the direct
sunlight."
0 Comments, 166 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
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as told by a woman 2/12/2013
The Black Bra (as told by a woman)
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged,
one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to
amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black
bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to
meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here's ...
0 Comments, 172 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Sext 2/11/2013
A gel ws on her 1st date n c ws holdin her boy's penis, a
few drops came out n c askd, wats dat?hr boyfren rplyd'u
stupid, dats wat me cal tears of joy!!haha.
0 Comments, 186 Views,
4 Votes
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bingo 2/8/2013
What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies? Bingo
1 Comments, 150 Views,
6 Votes
,1.09 Score
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Once more 2/8/2013
Harry is 77 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. Every night
after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home
to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Mildred, age 82, wanders into the garden.
They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours
have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation, Harry turns to
Mildred and asks, "Do you ...
0 Comments, 223 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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Another use for Viagra 2/7/2013
Chris returns home from vacation with a severe case of sunburn,
so he goes to see his doctor. After the examination the doctor
prescribes chamomile lotion and Viagra.
Looking a little confused Chris says, “I can understand
you prescribing the chamomile lotion, but why the Viagra?”
The doctor says, “The Viagra is to keep the sheets off
you at night.”
0 Comments, 231 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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African King 2/7/2013
The beautiful secretary of a bank president was asked to
squire around the king of a wealthy African kingdom, one
of the bank’s most important .
After a day shopping & sightseeing, the king was utterly
besotted with the lady, and asked for her hand in marriage.
The proposal took the secretary by surprise and she was
thinking of how to turn him down politely without jeopardising
the ...
1 Comments, 192 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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A highly timid man in Bronx 2/7/2013
A highly timid little man ventured into a biker bar in the
Bronx. He cleared his throat and then asked, “Um, err,
which one of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside
to the parking meter?”
A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing
out through the seams, turned slowly on his chair, and looked
down at the quivering little man. “It’s my dog. Who’s ...
0 Comments, 153 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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24 hrs 2/7/2013
Fenton’s doctor tells him he has only 24 hours to live.
Fenton goes home to tell his wife. After they both have a
long cry, Fenton asks her if she will have sex with him one last time.
“Of course, darling, ” she replies. And so they have
sex. Four hours later, lying in bed, Fenton says, “you
know I only have 20 hours to live. Do you think we could do
it again?” ...
0 Comments, 166 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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10 again 2/7/2013
A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your
birthday?”
“I’d love to be ten again, ” she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early
and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put
her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming
Loop, the Wall of Fear-everything there was! Wow! Five
hours later she staggered out ...
0 Comments, 194 Views,
6 Votes
,5.64 Score
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Welfare Office 2/7/2013
A woman walks into the downtown Harrisburg welfare office,
trailed by 15 .
'WOW, ' the social worker exclaims, 'are
they all yours?"
'Yep, they are all mine, ' the flustered momma
sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, 'Sit down Leroy.' All the rush
to find seats.
Well, ' says the social worker, 'then you must
be here to sign up. ...
1 Comments, 190 Views,
10 Votes
,4.78 Score
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Ramblings of a Retired Mind 2/7/2013
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those
cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or
purse. I seldom need one. So, I'm wearing my garage
door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now
I have what they call blue teeth, I think.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized
that people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking ...
0 Comments, 111 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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'I almost had an affair' 2/7/2013
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said
to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another
woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again.
For your penance, say five ...
0 Comments, 158 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Is there anything I can do 2/7/2013
A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a
second golfer approached and asked if he could join him.
The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed
to the twosome.
They were even after the first few holes. The second guy
said, "We're about evenly matched, how about
playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting,
but agreed to ...
0 Comments, 109 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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2/6/2013
Guy looking to get laid goes to the red light district Sees
cute little blond flags her over she gets into the car and
he heads to a motel. They get into the room and start stripping
the guy notices the girl hasn't much hair on her pussy
he says how old are you? she says 13 what he says are crazy
get out of here I'll go to jail if I'm caught with
you, the girl says if I knew you were ...
0 Comments, 186 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
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Dr visit 2/6/2013
Man goes in for a check up Dr tells him to strip and does his
exam he sees the man's penis all purple my god man what
happened ? My wife is very tight. Doc says don't you
use any lubricating jelly? yes replies the guy, well what
kind do you use, he says grape.
0 Comments, 167 Views,
0 Votes
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Orgasms 2/6/2013
Guy bragging at a bar [every woman I make love to I give them
an orgasm, of course once in awhile they spit it out]........
0 Comments, 96 Views,
0 Votes
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An interesting question.... 2/5/2013
A surgeon went to check on his very famous patient after
an operation. She was awake , so he examined her.
"You'll be fine, " he said.
She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have
a normal sex life again Doctor?"
The Surgeon seemed to pause which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be alright
won't I ?"
He replied, 'Yes , ...
0 Comments, 145 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Hillary gets an idea..... 2/5/2013
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet
Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you
don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he's
been last."
Janet offended, responded, "Just because I am aesthetically
challenged doesn't mean I don't have to fight off ...
2 Comments, 176 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Hulk Smash! 2/5/2013
It was the annual superheroes vacation retreat....
Batman and Spiderman were chatting when all of a sudden the Hulk rushes in all red and perplexed.
"Whats up" asked Batman?
"Hulk was upstairs looking for toilet! Hulk passed
bedroom and Hulk saw Wonder Women naked on bed! Wonder Woman make sex noise so Hulk wanted help make nookie! So hulk jump on top
of Wonder Woman! ...
0 Comments, 101 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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A not-so-blonde joke...? 2/5/2013
A blind man enters a Lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his
way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while the blind guy yells to the
bartender: "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?'
A deathly silence transcends the bar. In a deep, husky,
menacing voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
The bartender is blonde, the ...
0 Comments, 130 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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We've got a bleeder! 2/5/2013
A blonde was visiting her doctor for a regular
check-up.
"Any specific problems you should tell me about?"
the doctor asked.
"Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the
tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours." she replied. "Do you think
I might be a hemophiliac?"
"Well, " the doctor answered, "Hemophilia
is a genetic disorder and it is more often found in ...
0 Comments, 121 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Playin hookie.... 2/5/2013
Bob calls into work and says, " Hey, I am not coming
to work today, I am really sick! I have a headache, a stomach ache and my legs hurt. I wont
be coming to work."
The boss says, " I really need you today. You know,
when I feel like that, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex! That makes everything better
and I go to work. Give that a try..."
Two hours later Bob calls ...
0 Comments, 134 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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It because it cost him $2000 in Ohio! 2/5/2013
A man and his wife moved back home to West Virginia from Ohio
... The husband had a wooden leg, and to insure it back in
Ohio it cost them $2, 000 per year!
When they arrived in West Virginia, they went to an insurance
agency to see how much it would cost to insure his wooden
leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said: '$39.'
The husband was shocked and asked ...
0 Comments, 126 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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The Gorilla and the Redneck: 2/5/2013
A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time ...
1 Comments, 127 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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Woman shot in the head 2/5/2013
Linda Burnett, 29 , a resident of San Diego, was visiting
her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket
to pick up some groceries.
Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the
driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed,
with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned
and walked over to the car.
He noticed that Linda's ...
0 Comments, 116 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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resurrection 2/5/2013
A pastor was presenting a 's sermon. During
the sermon, he asked the if they knew what the resurrection
was. Now, asking questions during 's sermons
is crucial, but at the same time, asking questions
in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.
Having asked the if they knew the meaning of the
resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor
called on him and the little ...
0 Comments, 82 Views,
1 Votes
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One more time 2/5/2013
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the
casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty
thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I'm completely nude." with that,
she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with
an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs
new clothes!"
As ...
0 Comments, 101 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Winter Boots 2/4/2013
The Winter Boots (Anyone who has ever dressed a will
love this)
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her
reception class pupils put on his boots?
He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling
and his pushing, the little boots still didn't want
to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked
up a sweat. She almost cried when ...
0 Comments, 88 Views,
0 Votes
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Mule Trading 2/4/2013
Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily in Starkville,
MS. and bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry,
fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."
Curtis & Leroy replied, “Well, then just give us
our money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I ...
0 Comments, 100 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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