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Two bowling teams 3/7/2013
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes,
charter a double-decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana.
The brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus and the blonde
team rode on the top level. The brunette team down below really whooped it up, having
a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard
anything from the blondes upstairs. She decided to go up
and ...
0 Comments, 91 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Don't eat turkey sandwiches, as a reminder 3/7/2013
Don't eat turkey sandwiches, no matter what!!
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and
became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought turkey sandwiches
every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until
one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a turkey sandwich.
He said, 'Hey, ...
0 Comments, 96 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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A must read for Grandparents 3/7/2013
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old
baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand
what cooperation is? What a team is?' The little boy
nodded in the affirmative. 'Do you understand that
what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?'
The little boy nodded 'yes'.
'So, ' the coach continued, 'I'm sure
you know, when an out is ...
0 Comments, 102 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Golfing 3/5/2013
A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned that
he was going to go to Dr. Smith for a new set of dentures in
the morning.
His elderly buddy remarked that he too had gone to the very
same dentist two years before.
“Is that so?” asked the first old guy. “Did he do a
good job?”
The second oldster replied, “Well, I was on the golf course
yesterday when a ...
0 Comments, 95 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
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It doesn't hurt to shake up your 3/4/2013
It doesn't hurt to shake up your a little every
now and then! They'll be old some day too (hopefully)!
Yesterday my again asked why I didn't do something
useful with my time. Talking about my "doing something
useful" seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was "only thinking of me" and suggested
I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. ...
0 Comments, 124 Views,
7 Votes
,5.59 Score
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Free Drinks 3/3/2013
One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to
the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.”
So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That
will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money
so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a
drink for everyone in the bar ...
2 Comments, 142 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Top 10 Things Only Women Understand 3/3/2013
10) Cats’ facial expressions. 9) The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
 Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds. 7) ?Fat? clothes. 6) Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5) The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell.
4) Cutting your bangs to make them grow. 3) Eyelash curlers. 2) The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. 1) Other women.
2 Comments, 81 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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55th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. 3/3/2013
George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 55th Wedding
Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered
the MGM Hotel/Casino and registered, a sweet young woman
dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George
brushed her off.
Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was
nice, and you were so rude."
"Harriet, she's a ."
"I don't believe you. That ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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Working in the family business 3/3/2013
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working
in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his
sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with
whom to share his fortune.
One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most
beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took
his breath away.
...
0 Comments, 127 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Man/Woman Conversation 3/3/2013
Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes Woman : How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3 Woman : How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5 with a tip Woman : And how long have you been drinking?
Man: 20 years, I suppose Woman : So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your
spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be $5400
correct?
...
0 Comments, 97 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Barack....again 3/1/2013
Subject: Barak....again
Barack Obama at a recent rural elementary school assembly
in East Texas , asked the audience for total quiet. Then,
in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once
every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.
Then he said into the microphone, ', every
time I clap my hands together, a in America dies from
gun violence.' ...
1 Comments, 97 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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If you don't like the punch like, change the name 3/1/2013
Sitting in a Pew.
In church, while reverently preparing for the service,
I heard a sweet little old lady, sitting next to me in the
pew, quietly whispering a prayer. It was so sweet and sincere
that I just had to share it with you.
She said,
Dear Lord, this has been a tough two or three years ...you
have taken my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite
musician ...
3 Comments, 129 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score
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(comic) scientist 3/1/2013
If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright,
he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once
said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been
stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than most of us do. Here
are some of his gems. 1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect
it back. ...
0 Comments, 103 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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SMALLTOWNS 2/27/2013
Those who grew up in small towns will laugh when they read
this. Those who didn't will be in disbelief and won't
understand how true it is.
1) You can name everyone you graduated with.
2) You know what 4-H means.
3) You went to parties at a pasture, barn, gravel pit, or
in the middle of a dirt road. On Monday you could always tell
who was at the party because of the ...
2 Comments, 147 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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The smoothest-talking Cajun 2/27/2013
Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana
National Guard, got called up to active duty. Boudreaux's
first assignment was in a military induction center.
Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty
of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially
the GI insurance to which they were entitled.
The officer in charge soon noticed that ...
0 Comments, 93 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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jill 2/26/2013
I Dream of Jill, she's wrapped in my arms. I unleash her passion and all of her charms.
Her kisses alone will turn up the heat. Hard like a rock, she makes my man meat.
But I'll ignore my aching throbbing pole. To dive head first upon her love hole.
A lesbian taught me how to use tongue. On either set of lips even her bung. ...
0 Comments, 74 Views,
4 Votes
,0.92 Score
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A Cannibal 2/23/2013
A cannibal was walking through the jungle & came upon
a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down & looked over
the Menu...
+ Tourist: $5.00 + Broiled Missionary: $10.00 + Fried Explorer: $15.00 + Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a high price for the Politicians?" ...
1 Comments, 162 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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11 PEOPLE ... ON A ROPE 2/23/2013
Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.
10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they
decided that one had to leave, Because otherwise they
were all going to fall.
They weren't able to choose that person, until the
woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because,
as a ...
0 Comments, 127 Views,
7 Votes
,2.02 Score
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girls! :P 2/23/2013
girls are like parking spots... the good ones are always taken... and the ones that are available, are either handicapped or too far away!! *Darny*
1 Comments, 57 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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cheap rubber 2/23/2013
10 Minutes Of Pleasure 9 Months Of Pain 3 Days In The Hospital A Baby Without A Name The Baby Is A Bastard The Mother Is A This Woulda Never Happend If The Rubber Hadn't Tore!!
0 Comments, 66 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE 2/21/2013
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane
and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk?
Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with
your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied
to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk
about?"
"Oh, I don't know, " said the atheist.
"How about why there is no ...
0 Comments, 166 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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I described a typical day this way 2/21/2013
During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about
my physical level
I described a typical day this way:
"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk,
About 7 miles, through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I ...
0 Comments, 108 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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cheating 2/20/2013
A woman was in bed having sex with her husband's friend,
when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers. After
hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't
worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing
cards with you.''
0 Comments, 251 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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bitten 2/20/2013
A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He
was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly
went to the bathroom to check on him.
"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring
the customers."
"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps
biting my balls!"
"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."
1 Comments, 177 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Alien abduction 2/20/2013
Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar, when
Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry
asks. Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk and I was abducted
by an alien." Everyone is shocked. Bill asks, "What did the alien
do to you?" "All I remember is being anally probed, " Ted
says. Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll
do that!" Steve says. ...
0 Comments, 150 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
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Reunion 2/20/2013
Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since High
School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website
and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.
Jan arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a
bottle of Pinot Grigio.
Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the
required ritualized kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine.
Then Mary walks in, ...
1 Comments, 162 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Take my ass to jail 2/18/2013
Take my ass to jail....................
A Union Township policeman pulled a car over on I-275 about
2 miles south of SR32.
When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the
driver said he was a magician and juggler and was on his way
to Cincinnati to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't
want to be late.
The cop told the driver he was fascinated by ...
2 Comments, 188 Views,
9 Votes
,4.92 Score
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These fit so well they should be in a dictionary. 2/18/2013
These fit so well they should be in a dictionary.
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing
in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they
are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps ...
0 Comments, 115 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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A Valentine 2/14/2013
Ole was out shopping in the mall when he met his friend Sven
outside the jewelers.
Sven noticed that Ole had a small gift-wrapped box in his
hand. "So vat have you yust purchased Ole?"
Sven asks.
"Vell, now that you've asked, " replies
Ole, "it's for my Lena for Valentine's Day."
I asked her this morning vat she vanted for a Valentine?
She said, "Oh, I don't know, dear, yust ...
0 Comments, 144 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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Any dirty jokes out there 2/12/2013
people lets have laughs and share some jokes around if ou
can on your free time. Dirty jokes only here after alll its
an adult site right
1 Comments, 49 Views,
2 Votes
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