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Three Brothers 3/9/2013
Three brothers are traveling along a road, and their car
dies. They all get out of the car, and start walking to a barn
that's a little ways away. When they get their, the
farmer comes out of the barn, and offers them a room for one
night. He says to the first one, "You can sleep with
the pigs, " the second guy, " you can sleep
with the cows", and the third guy, "I like the
cut of your jib. You ...
0 Comments, 130 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Ad in paper 3/9/2013
A woman places an ad in the newspaper: "Looking for
a man with 3 qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t
run away from me & is great in bed." 2 days later
her doorbell rings. "Hi, " her visitor announces.
"I have no arms so I won’t beat you & no legs so
I won't run away." "What makes you think
you're great in bed?" the woman asks. He replies,
"I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
1 Comments, 125 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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When a asks 3/9/2013
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when
her walks in. “Mother, where do babies come
from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well
dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night
they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”
The looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That
means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s ...
0 Comments, 120 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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First time with Adam and Eve 3/9/2013
Q: What did Adam say to Eve?
A: "Watch out, I don't know how big this gets.
0 Comments, 66 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Morning wood 3/9/2013
When i wake up in the morning with a hard cock... my girl does
not call it morning wood..she calls it breakfast.
0 Comments, 112 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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An Hour of Pleasure 3/9/2013
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was
lecturing her students on sexual morality.
"We live today in very difficult times for young people.
In moments of temptation, " she said, "ask
yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth
a lifetime of shame?"
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse
me, but how do you make it last an hour?"
0 Comments, 101 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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How many women 3/9/2013
After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning
her husband about his lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me, " she asked for the thousandth
time, "how many women have you slept with?"
"Baby, " he protested, "if I told you,
you'd throw a fit".
Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced
her hubby to tell her.
"Okay, " he said, "One, two, three, four,
five, ...
1 Comments, 118 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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SHOES 3/8/2013
Honey walks in wearing a sexy backless top and a mini
skirt.
"What do you think?" She asked winking at Hubby,
"I think your not wearing underwear...", he
replied.
She said, "Your right babe, how can you tell?"
"Because, " he says, "there's dandruff
on your shoes."...
0 Comments, 107 Views,
10 Votes
,1.39 Score
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fast food 3/8/2013
After waiting up for almost half an hour in the line last
week, I finally got to the counter and the woman looked at
me and said, "I'm really sorry about your wait."
In a rattled state, I replied, "You're not so
fucking skinny yourself, cunt!"...
0 Comments, 98 Views,
10 Votes
,1.00 Score
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RAINS 3/8/2013
I masturbate so often in the shower that now I start to
become aroused when it begins to rain....
0 Comments, 44 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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KLEENEX 3/8/2013
Kleenex man size:
Because cum is thicker than snot....
0 Comments, 37 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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SISTERS 3/8/2013
My neighbour has just walked past with two dogs.
I said, "I didn't know you had any dogs."
She said, "They're not my dogs, they're
my sisters."
I said, "Wow, your sisters are very ugly."...
1 Comments, 148 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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MYTHICAL CREATURE 3/8/2013
My mate just said, "What's your favorite
mythical creature?"
I said, "Those happy women in tampax adverts"...
0 Comments, 46 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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HEALTH COURSE 3/8/2013
I failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center
today.
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what
steps would you take?"
"Fucking' big ones" was apparently the
wrong answer....
0 Comments, 43 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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MAKEUP SEX 3/8/2013
I had great make up sex today.
I fucked the Avon lady....
1 Comments, 42 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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MY NEW BULL 3/8/2013
I recently spent $2500 on a young Black Angus bull. Put
him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even
look at a cow.
I was beginning to suspect he was gay, if that's possible
with a bull. Anyhow, I had the Vet come have a look at him. He said the bull
was very healthy, but possibly a little young, so he gave me some
pills to feed him once per day.
Holy ...
0 Comments, 127 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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FUNNY SMELL 3/8/2013
Don't you hate it when you're driving along
smoking a cigarette, you flick your cigarette out the window,
and you drive for a couple more miles, and you smell something
funny, and you look over into the back seat, and sure enough............
Grandma's fingering herself again!!!...
0 Comments, 75 Views,
6 Votes
,1.09 Score
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WORD 3/8/2013
Today, my wife was doing a crossword and asked me if I
knew the biological word for a swollen vagina.
I thought, Thick cunt...
0 Comments, 71 Views,
6 Votes
,1.09 Score
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NOT BETTER 3/8/2013
Scientists have used margarine to remove waxy substance
found on seabirds
One bird remains critical.
I can't believe it's not better...
1 Comments, 48 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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GIRLFRIEND 3/8/2013
My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her.
According to her lawyer, she also hates it when I call her
my girlfriend.
0 Comments, 67 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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HEAR ME CUMING 3/8/2013
A young boy selling newspaper subsubscribition rings
this ladies door bell, she answers in a see thru nightie...All
excited he starts his speech.. With that she drops the strap off on shoulder and says..See
anything you like? The boy all excited now does all he can to continue on. Then she drops the other strap from her shoulder and again
asks "See anything you like"? Just then the lady says ...
0 Comments, 91 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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DONT SURPRISE 3/8/2013
Roses are red
Violets are glorious
Don't try to surprise
Oscar Pistorius...
1 Comments, 30 Views,
4 Votes
,0.92 Score
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MAGIC TRICK 3/8/2013
An ITALIAN and a CHINESE entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking, the CHINESE stole 3 chocolate
bars. As they left the store, the CHINESE said to the ITALIAN,
"Man I'm the best thief, I stole 3 chocolate bars
and no one saw me. You can't beat that."
ITALIAN replied: "You want to see something better?
Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real
stealing." ...
0 Comments, 79 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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PRESIDENT QUESTIONED 3/8/2013
President Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the
. After his talk he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name.
" Walter, " responds the little boy.
"And what is your question, Walter?"
"I have four questions" First, "Why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support
of the Congress?" Second, "Why do you keep saying you ...
1 Comments, 68 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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TRAIN RIDE 3/8/2013
There’s a Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani
on a train, the Russian takes out a bottle of his best vodka,
drinks a bit and throws the rest off the train and says 'there’s
plenty more of that where i come from'. The others are
impressed so the Cuban takes out one of the finest Havana
cigars, takes one puff and throws it off the train and says
'there’s plenty more of those ...
0 Comments, 62 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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A PIRATE 3/8/2013
A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey,
I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I
feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that
before." "Well, " said the pirate, "We were in
a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine
now." The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about ...
0 Comments, 74 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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SMELL 3/8/2013
What's old and wrinkled
and smells like ginger?
Fred Astaire's finger....
0 Comments, 18 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Minnesota Bank Robbery 3/8/2013
Minnesota Bank Robbery
A hooded robber burst into a Minnesota bank and forced the
tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door,
a brave Minnesota customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off,
revealing the robber's face. The robber shot the customer
without a moment's hesitation. He then looked around
the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight
at him. The ...
0 Comments, 102 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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best pistols in my collection……... 3/8/2013
While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my girlfriend we
were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from
out of no where. She must have been protecting her cubs because
she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would
not be here today! Just one shot to my girlfriend's
knee cap was all it took…….the bear got her and I was
able to ...
1 Comments, 89 Views,
7 Votes
,0.49 Score
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Spring is coming 3/8/2013
Wife texts husband on a cold winter Morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back:
"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"Computer really messed up now.
0 Comments, 79 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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