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LOOKING FORWARD TO FOOTBALL SEASON 5/11/2013
I KNOW MANY OF YOU (LIKE ME) ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO FOOTBALL
SEASON. WELL, HERE'S A LITTLE RECAP OF LAST YEAR.........
Coincidence??
Just wondering! Alabama beat Arkansas and they fired the coach.
Alabama beat Tennessee and they fired the coach.
Alabama beat Auburn and they fired the coach.
Then Alabama beat Notre Dame and the Pope resigns...
...
0 Comments, 86 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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And they say blondes are dumb 5/10/2013
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry
room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the
washing machine?' 'It depends, ' I replied. 'What does it say
on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' OHIO STATE !'
And they say blondes are dumb....
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I ...
0 Comments, 145 Views,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score
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wifes phone 5/9/2013
I found a video on my wife's phone of me shagging her.
I don't remember filming this but it must have been
on holiday, I've got a great tan and my cock looks massive.
0 Comments, 148 Views,
6 Votes
,1.09 Score
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WHAT TO DO IN A CRISIS 5/8/2013
"How come you're late?" asks the bartender
as the blonde waitress walks in the door.
"It was awful, " she explains. "I was
walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident.
A man was lying in the middle of the street. He'd been
thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull wasfractured,
and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid
course and all my ...
0 Comments, 155 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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Hellmann's mayonnaise 5/6/2013
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's
mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 1, 000 cases (12, 000
jars) of the condiment, consigned for delivery in Vera
Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop
in New York. This was, as of that date, the largest single
shipment of mayonnaise ever sent to Mexico. But ...
0 Comments, 125 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
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One more time 5/6/2013
The Jewish Tie Salesman
A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was
plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something
far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only
to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small
makeshift display rack - selling ties. The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"
The Jewish man ...
0 Comments, 119 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS 5/3/2013
HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives
better.'
The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?' And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'
'Can you give us an example?'
'Thou shall not kill.'
'Not kill? We're not interested.'
So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I ...
2 Comments, 160 Views,
14 Votes
,3.62 Score
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Your parrot is dead 5/2/2013
At dawn the telephone rings,
"Hello, Señor Bob?
This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Bob, that
your parrot, he is dead."
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International
competition?"
"Si, Señor, that's the ...
0 Comments, 154 Views,
10 Votes
,3.39 Score
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Lie detector robot 5/1/2013
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when
they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his what he did that afternoon.
The says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the .
The says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house
watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
says, "Toy Story." ...
1 Comments, 171 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
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An attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. 5/1/2013
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch less panties in an
attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on
the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough
times till her husband says... "Are you wearing crotch
less panties?" "Y-e-s, " she answers with a seductive smile.
"Thank God for that... ...
0 Comments, 159 Views,
10 Votes
,3.78 Score
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Sex & Calories 4/30/2013
Sex & Calories
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles.
Who the hell runs 8 miles in 15 seconds?
0 Comments, 97 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Whats The Difference..... 4/29/2013
Q: What's the difference between light and hard? A: You can sleep with a light on.
0 Comments, 83 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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The devil made me send this.............. 4/29/2013
Catholic Recognition
Here is the latest from our newly ordained Pope Francis.
If you are Catholic or know a Catholic you'll appreciate
this.
Pope Francis was recently finished his sermon. He ended
it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed
be Mankind.
A Woman's Rights Group approached the Pope the next
day. They noticed that the Pope blessed all Mankind, ...
0 Comments, 123 Views,
12 Votes
,4.74 Score
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New set of dentures 4/29/2013
A couple of retirees were golfing one day when one mentioned
that he was going to see Dr. Smith for a new set of dentures
in the morning.
His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to the
very same dentist two years before.
"Is that so?" asked the first old guy. "Did
he do a good job?"
The second oldster replied, "Well, I was on the golf
course yesterday when a ...
0 Comments, 109 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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Lovemaking Tips for Seniors 4/28/2013
Lovemaking Tips for Seniors -
1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually
in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't
remember. ...
0 Comments, 110 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
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(This One Is Priceless!) 4/27/2013
FATHER
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book,
and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy
asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear
his collar like that.'
... The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I
am the Father of ...
1 Comments, 210 Views,
15 Votes
,6.96 Score
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What deep thinkers men are... 4/27/2013
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had
a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated
some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I thought about an age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the
balls?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful
than a guy getting ...
0 Comments, 148 Views,
11 Votes
,6.35 Score
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Viagra Indeed Does Wonders 4/26/2013
A little boy goes to school and has diarrhea all day. After
coming back from school, he tells his mother that has been
going in and out of the toilet, and now he needs a Viagra.
The mother quickly responds:
"Why would you ever say a thing like that?!"
"I heard daddy say he was gonna take a Viagra, to make
his shit hard!!"
1 Comments, 205 Views,
12 Votes
,3.33 Score
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Lets do a 68 4/26/2013
Whilst making love, Wife asks Husband:
"Honey, what style do you want as to do!" She
says with excitement. "Am suggesting we do a 68!" He replies with a
grin on his face. "68???" She says, "what's that?"
"Well, " the hubby replies, "you do it
to me and I'll owe you one honey!"
0 Comments, 142 Views,
7 Votes
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Indian Boy 4/24/2013
One day a little indian boy walked up to the chief
and said "Me ready for women." The chief said "Before you can have a real women, you
must go into the woods and practice on the trees for three
days"
The Indian boy said "Ok, " and went off into
the woods.
Three days later, he returns and says "Me ready for
women."
The Indian cheif says "Pick out any woman ...
0 Comments, 160 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
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Strip Club 4/24/2013
Two guys are in a strip joint, one is sitting in front of the
other. A woman comes on stage and starts stripping. The
guy in back, Paul, says, "Oh yeah, Oh yeah!"
Then the first guy turns around and says, " Hey Paul,
shut up!"
Then two women come out and start stripping. Paul, once
again, starts, "Yeah baby..mmmm....yeah!"
Once again the guy in front turns around and ...
0 Comments, 167 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Talking in sleep 4/24/2013
A guy goes down for breakfast and it is quite obvious that
his wife has the hump with him. He asks what is the matter.
She replies, "Last night you were talking in your
sleep and I want to know who Linda is?" Thinking quickly
on his feet he tells her that Linda was 'Lucky Linda'
and was actually a name of a that he bet on that day and
won £40. She seemed quite happy with the explanation and
he ...
0 Comments, 142 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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How did she know? 4/22/2013
Three hookers were talking.The first one said, "I
had a Fireman last night".
The second one asked how she knew he was a fireman, and the
first one replied "I saw his badge."
The second said "Well I had a policeman".
The first one asked how she knew he was a policeman. The second
replied, "I saw his gun."
The third then joined in and said "Well I had
a farmer from ...
1 Comments, 199 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
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restaurant - once more 4/22/2013
A Republican man in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one
afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee.
He looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"
The waitress nodded "yes, " so the Republican
requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched
back. He shuffled ...
0 Comments, 135 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
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Boss who reacts before getting the facts 4/21/2013
If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting
the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!
Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup,
hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company
of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed
a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers
and he wanted to let them know ...
0 Comments, 142 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
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Dating Ads for Seniors found in a Florida Newspaper 4/21/2013
Dating Ads for Seniors found in a Florida Newspaper You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear
of anyone retiring and moving north. These are actual ads seen in ''The Villages''
Florida newspaper.(Who says seniors don't have a
sense of humor?) ----------------------------------------------------
FOXY LADY : Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be ...
1 Comments, 172 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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The silence was deafening 4/20/2013
One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door.
She was a sorry sight starving, dirty, smelled terrible,
skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her
to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named
her 'Pussycat.' The vet decided to keep her for
a day or so he said he would let us know when we could come and
get her. ...
1 Comments, 158 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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Once more, This is a REAL SALESMAN 4/20/2013
A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to
a big "everything under one roof" department
store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The says Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the
ob.
"You start ...
1 Comments, 158 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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F***ing 4/20/2013
Six Basic Rules For Good Health
1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, every day
is even better.
2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind &
body.
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After F***ing don't eat too much ... Go for more liquids.
5. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level !!!
SO ... REMEMBER ...
...
1 Comments, 110 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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Pitbull 4/18/2013
What do you do when a Pitbull humps your leg??? you fake an orgasm..........
0 Comments, 75 Views,
6 Votes
,1.09 Score
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